Monthly Archives: May 2014

Doug Belshaw / Creative Commons

Where do we find the time?

I am writing this post on the train, during my commute home from work. I could have used the time to relax and read a book, but if I don’t write this now, it will never happen. Over 19 years of parenting (!!!) I have discovered that to be the secret to accomplishing anything as a mother, whether working in an office or home-schooling the kids – do it NOW.

As the workplace has become increasingly mobile, in theory mothering has become easier.  If my child is sick, I can log into the VPN and work from home.  If I have an important call to a different time zone, I can do it after the kids are asleep.  I have joined conference calls from the kitchen, and written reports on the way to teacher-parent meetings.

And yet…..

And yet, this can devolve into a cycle of ever increasing hours, and ever decreasing sleep.  During my days as a start-up founder on a shoestring budget, our phone would ring at 2:00am as overseas clients needed tech-support and I would stumble over to our home office  to stare groggily at the computer screen.  I would also become increasingly frustrated if the children refused to go to bed on time, because their demands for books read, drinks, hot water bottles and yet another snack would eat into the time I planned to use after they went to sleep, for more work.

As parents, we try to set boundaries for our children, yet the huge choice of communication methods available today have made it increasingly difficult to set boundaries on ourselves.  And as my mother declares, “Mothers are people too.” We also need downtime, and sufficient sleep.  A good book or some other form of me-time doesn’t hurt.

One of the advantages of my current job is that when I leave work, whether working from home or from the office (I am fortunate that my company is tolerant of one day a week working home), I shut down for the day.  It may be a long day, but when it’s over I can focus on my family.

The only thing is, that doesn’t leave much time for me.  I am writer – it’s how I calm the hundreds of thoughts and ideas that swirl in my head from when I awake until I fall asleep at night.  Thoughts that have an annoying habit of niggling at me until I write them down.  For over a decade I channeled these ideas into articles and stories as a freelance journalist and author.  I had the freedom to write about issues as they surfaced.

Technical Writing is an entirely different genre.  It calls for precision, not imagination; uniformity rather than creativity.  This form of writing has its own intellectual challenges, and I love my job, but it doesn’t quench my thirst to write “freestyle”.

So I find myself both dreading and looking forward to my commute.  On the one hand, it takes me so far from my children and home, and takes so long to get back.  On the other hand, if the train isn’t too crowded, it does provide some time for me to do what I want to do without feeling guilty.

Mobile Baby

What is Mobile Parenting?

I bought my first mobile phone when I was 23 and pregnant with my first child.  It was a clumsy, chunky black device with a small screen that had a single purpose – to dial and talk to people.

That daughter is now almost nineteen.  Her mobile phone is a a thin sliver encased in a slick pink cover.  She actually doesn’t talk much on it, but is connected to her world via What’sApp, Facebook and SMS messages.  Since she is now living away from home, and I’m of the over-protective parent genre, I also use her phone to keep tabs on her whereabouts and know that she is safe in her apartment every evening (more about Life360 in the future).  Her phone also serves as her camera, videocamera, notepad, alarm clock and watch.  It also lets her know when her bus is coming, or if she has missed it 😦 .

My youngest son is eight.  He is VERY connected to our iPad, though we ration his time allowed on it very carefully.  He has grown up with mice and touchscreens, YouTube and VOD.  When I travel, her prefers that I stay connected with him through Skype rather than a telephone call.  He likes me to snap photos of his art projects so he can email then to his grandmother.  He loves to try out new apps.

Which leads to many questions that I hope we can explore and answer together here.  How do we guide children in a mobile world that is so different to anything we experienced when we were growing up?   How can we use our own devices to stay connected, to remain a cohesive family unit, to understand our kids?  How often are we distracted by our devices, looking down at our screens instead of up at their faces?

As our devices have become more mobile, so have our careers.  How has our own mobility pulled us into longer commutes and more time away from home?  Is telecommuting a benefit, or a burden?

What are your biggest challenges as a mother in a mobile world? And what are your solutions? I look forward to exploring all of the meaning and facets of mobile parenting with you.

Image of baby with mobile phone by Paul Mayne (Flickr/Creative Commons License)